For anyone who’s been asleep for the past 20 years, our culture has become increasingly sexualized at a faster and more alarming pace than ever before. Marketers have learned that if they can simply tie their product into getting a guy laid more than they can almost guarantee a product’s success. Good news for businessmen, bad news for our society. According to YourBrainOnPorn.com, the problem has reached almost epidemic proportions.
But why is being highly sexualized as a culture a bad thing? Isn’t becoming more comfortable with sexuality a good thing? Well yes, but being comfortable with sexuality is different than exploiting each other’s need for connection to sell your sporty new car:
(yes that’s a car commercial)
The epidemic comes in when we get to porn, possibly the most popular thing to look up on the internet. Everyday billions of searches are done to find that hot woman after hot woman. And much like a crack addict, the every day man cannot get enough. Literally, there’s never a time where a man says, “Okay, I’ve seen every attractive woman I want to and now I can finally stop.” The reason is that the human brain evolved in much different times. Our brain evolved in small groups of 50 to 100 people where there were a select few group of viable mating partners matching age and health requirements. Now, you can find what you brain perceives as a viable mate with a few clicks. This has triggered a cycle of addiction in many men that it has severely affected our youth. Ejaculation after ejaculation after ejaculation causes lower and lower testosterone level.
The result is a generation of men with testosterone deficiencies. Subsequently, these men have issues with confidence, focus, and socializing. I am one of these men. It has affected my work, my social life, and my concept of self-worth. Why would I need to work for it when I can just go on the internet and get a similar benefit? Not only have I suffered but so have my sexual partners. Many times(more than I care to admit but hell, I’m going to anyway) I’d have a new partner and not be able to perform. Imagine a man in the prime of his life not being able to get it up when he was attracted to his girlfriend. And it happened more than once. A lot in fact. I can only imagine how this made my partner feel. Unwanted, not attractive, etc. Not only that but once in a relationship, pattern of addiction did not cease causing more and more problems. I had very unrealistic expectations about what sex was and what my sexuality was about.
Fortunately, I found help. I was taken aback when I saw this TED talk:
There is a community of men who are awakening to this and are changing their lives for the better. If you’re reading this and think you are in the same position, here are a few things I’ve learned:
- You will relapse. A lot. This isn’t an easy journey but for the the few that can make it, you come out a winner and your life will change for the better.
- Get rid of every little bit of your porn. Seriously. Don’t make it easy for yourself. If you were trying to quit heroin would you leave some around “just-in-case”?
- Get support. Bodybuilding forums are a great place to find guys wanting to up their testosterone levels and find the “no-fap” lifestyle working for them. YourBrainOnPorn.com is another awesome place to go.
- Forgive yourself. Then fix it. Don’t get down on yourself and give up. You’ll never get it done if you keep yourself down.
- Journal and start to notice how your social anxiety starts to go away. You will start to become socially calibrated and guess what.. YOU’LL GET LAID
Most everyone (I could be exaggerating) has a story on squirting even if they haven’t experienced the phenomena personally.
You’ve probably seen at least one magazine, book, medical publication title with ‘squirting,’ or ‘female ejaculation’ in it and how to achieve such results. (Reading this blog counts!)
Maybe you’ve heard about it from a bragging friend, chatty relative, or partner describing their climactic sex, whether or not you wanted to hear about it.
Perhaps you’re a porn connoisseur or just a curious internet goer that found a video where the main attraction is a person simply gushing their love liquid into the camera.
Or you’re like me and did squirt, once, and due to the circumstances surrounding the event it didn’t seem like a big deal and didn’t bother trying again until a partner in later years said, “Hey, I want to make you squirt.”
Whatever happened, you’re now in a vast club like many others. Congrats! It’s not exclusive and new members are frequently added to the roll call. But it is not without an effort. Tell your stories even if it’s only in the comments section of someone’s blog (wink)! Be proud in your knowledge and push yourself to experience the wonder that is squirting!
My prior experience with squirting (reading black and white articles, watching a few adult stars with Hitachis strategically placed) had nothing to do with how it happened for me 3 years ago.
In the summer before I went to college, I lived with my mom, brother, and partner in a mid-sized home in Clinton. My room became too unbearably hot during this time of the year and we (partner and I) retreated to a blow up mattress in the living room. Without delving into non-circumstantial pieces of my history, that night she and I broke up. We sat on the couch after emotionally devastating ourselves on the side porch, feeling a strange calm in the knowledge that we’d never be together again. I still loved her, and asked if we could remain fuck buddies, something.
I don’t remember most of the conversation between asking and ending up on the floor, but I do recall her saying, “I didn’t know you liked it rough.”
I ended up face down on the mattress, pillow under my stomach. I will now use the power of Googled pictures to illustrate what happened next:
Add all that up with supercharged emotions and we got the shock of seeing part of the mattress wet. We thought it was pee, like most everyone else. After doing a sniff test and finding the results to be odorless, I realized what had happened. My ex partner didn’t seem as interested in the phenomena and we fell asleep.
That is my story, first time being shared with the world. It’s a cherished memory.
If you have a story about squirting, even if it’s not about doing the deed, share it! You’d be surprised at how many people would like to hear it.
For the guys
“I want to squirt!” screams your girlfriend’s inner voice. But for the sake of not hurting your sensitive ego, she is complicit in letting you do the 10 minute bump n’ grind with her another night and let’s her own desires flutter out the window. She rolls over, falls asleep and leaves your ego intact.
This isn’t really what you want though. You love her and you want to make her the happiest you can. Every time you get the chance though, you’re happy enough to give her the ‘D’ and not explore sexuality further. Even if you know you want to explore that part of sexuality. Here are a few things you guys can do to help motivate yourself to get into that routine that you know you need.
1. Have a schedule
Develop a habit of satisfying your woman. You can start with a full body massage and move into stimulating her G-spot until she’s ready to squirt. She won’t squirt every single time and that’s okay. When her body is ready she will.
2. Let go of the need to ejaculate
This is going to sound crazy but.. you don’t need to ejaculate constantly. Sure it feels good but here’s the thing.. too much of a good thing is a bad thing. When you make love to your woman it should be an event. You want it to be special and you want to have the energy and drive to do so. Studies show that ejaculating any more than once every two weeks actually lowers testosterone and thereby lowering sex drive, motivation, and confidence. Stop watching porn, stop touching yourself, and focus on your woman.. You’ll thank me later.
Find materials that you can use to guide you and read them consistently. Hone in your technique until you are satisfied with how you satisfy your lady. In the future, we’ll have reviews of other products as well as our own product to help you if you have no idea what you’re doing.
4. Watch Her
One of the most important things in exploring your woman’s sexuality is that she knows her own. You can make this really hot by encouraging her to touch herself while you watch. She’ll get off on your telling her how hot she is and how much she turns you on. Encourage her to touch herself when you’re not around to. A woman who’s clitoral orgasm is dormant should be masturbating for at least 15 minutes every day.
5. Don’t forget the towels!
This is going to get messy.. in a really good way.
Imagine a comfortable bed.
Now imagine a person lying on said bed, legs bent and parted open to reveal their swollen vulva. (This person must be naked from the waist down to get the full picture, but go ahead and use your imagination for the rest.)
They’ve been using a stimulating technique, in concert with a buzzing device of sorts, that’s about to reveal and interesting phenomena.
Suddenly, they begin to gush a clear, odorless liquid in orgasm.
The spot beneath their bum is soaked and they look quite satisfied.
What just happened?
Why in the hell would you have me imagine that?!
Calm yourself, dear reader, for I have just given you an example of the orgasmic pleasure of gushing.
What is gushing?
It is the act of expelling a “thin, watery fluid, with little or no color, taste, smell or residue” (described as ‘dribbling’ to ‘waterfall like’) during an orgasm.
This natural occurrence, while under researched, is better recognized by what it isn’t.
What isn’t gushing?
Gushing has also been referred to as squirting or ejaculating but for
1. Squirting only applies to releasing a stream (such as when peeing) of this liquid instead of smaller or copious amounts and
2. Ejaculating is an entirely separate event that involves the prostate (which isn’t capable of producing large quantities of fluid) and the
resulting expulsion is white and thicker.
Think about it.
What color does healthy pee look like? Unless you drink water constantly, it’s going to be yellow.
What does healthy pee smell like? Again, unless you’re getting that 8+ cups a day, there’s going to be a faint to strong ammonia smell.
What does healthy pee taste like? I don’t know, ask Patches O’Houlihan.
- What exactly is the fluid?
According to Gemma O’Brien(2005): “…a filtrate of plasma, produced by the mechanism known as transudation.”
According to Emmanuele A. Jannini(2011): “diluted fluid from the urinary bladder” (still not urine)
- Where does the fluid come from?
O’Brien: “…the ventral [abdominal] wall of the vagina…released by compression provided by muscle contraction during sexual climax and orgasm”
Jannini (as explained by Art Noble): From the kidneys, releasing clear fluid into the bladder and spilling forth through the urethra.
- Are porn stars really gushing in their videos?
As far as I’m concerned, if you believe they are, they are.
- How can I do this to myself or someone else?
That, my friend, is another post entirely.
If there are more questions, please feel free to leave a comment or drop a message.